7 pm

I like sitting in this little seat, listening to my little music (Come Away With Me-Norah Jones), watching the world blows by in such a hazy blur, as I contemplate why time flies so fast, except when I’m sitting here, enjoying my rare moments of being alone and at peace.

Today, my sister and I had some chat over the phone. This is just the courtesy of conversation with her.

Me: We never thought we would be this jaded and cold until it happened. Even after realizing that it’s likely you’re in love with a certain person and think s/he is the one, then something changed your mind, it’s more like.. Eh, another one bites the dust. And you have to move on.

Sis: It’s kinda sad, but at the same time, I guess it’s just our mind’s way of trying to keep us from getting so burned. You have to check your heart, it wouldn’t be easy but once you’ve done with the feeling you will be able to see what exactly God’s plan in the journey. Even if he’s not meant to be yours, at least you have created something in his life.

Me: Yep, couldn’t agree more. But now, I don’t even know I fall more in love with the idea of a person than with the person themselves or I fall in love with the idea of being in love. Or I just don’t know how to be in love. Silly me.

My heart hasn’t quite figured out yet what I suppose to do seriously.

I learned a long time ago that sometimes love just isn’t enough. Still, I need to believe that love matters, even if it’s not enough to hold together.

But you’re right. Someday, maybe I’ll be able to look back and remember that I once cared about that person without regret of giving my best. Well, It’s going to be a while before that happens though, because right now, my mind hasn't understood yet that if my heart is telling me to keep going on why is he still there? It's still breathing for him and getting worse.

Sis: Such a long process to reach maturity, and so is love, dear.

Thanks sis for slowing down my life, for a split second.