Epilog of the day

I posted quite many for today. I dont know what's really in my head at the moment. Can I say something? This is gonna be my last post for today. promise!

Friends, let your guard down a little more often. Would you rather continue living this boring life, hiding in your shell, being safe in your comfort zone? Or would you rather take a risk every now and then? Sure, there’s a chance you could get hurt, but there’s just as much of a chance that you won’t get hurt. There’s just as much of a chance that someone could come along and really make you happy. Don’t disregard every chance you bump into; it’ll eat you alive wondering what if. Stay open for divine interruptions and get ready!

To: Mr. XY

If I had your name, I’d call you out.
If you were the face I woke up to each morning, surely my days would never see the shadows.
If you were my song, I’d sing you out at the top of my lungs.
If you were my word, I would keep you safe on the tip of my tongue.
I have so many ideas of who you might be or who you could be.
I want you here and I want you now.
I want your eyes to be the ones that fill my mind and I want your sentences to float though my head like afternoon clouds.
I want you, my glorious summer morning; my evening wrapped in dew.
I want to know how warm your eyes would be to fall into.
I want to know that at the end of all my searching, you do indeed exist.

I see something in y o u

Anything “off the page”. Get inside my mind, and you’ll see what I mean. Words that make my heart ache. Phrases that give me a buzz. Stories that hit me head on without judgement, without flashing lights. Give me no warning signs, because I’m a learner. I’m a thinker. I want to delve into unchartered territory and explore my heart, my mind. Cultured people. People who exist. People who live every thought they conceive. Who breathe every word they speak. Future is in the eye of the beholder. I see it all. To me, flaws are a persons foundations. There’s no cracks, but there may be scars. And scars tell a story. Skin is a full bodied spirit; it lives to tell the tale. I see everything for myself. I see everything from my heart. And when I see future in your eyes, you’ll know.

Please..........

Take my hand. We can make it out alive. Through the smoke, through the dusk and the noise of all that nothing. Away from the scraping and the looming shadows creeping along walls, away from skeleton lies and vampire smiles. The wasteland of our memories, all ash and bitter tastes in our mouths, will be nothing but an old photograph you’ll look at once in a while. You’ll show me, and I’ll barely remember, and we’ll smile in recognition over cooling cups of coffee.

Things written on my heart

I want to harmonize with you and write music for days. Take my hand and paint our deepest desires on the ceiling. They fit so perfectly between these plastic glow-in-the-dark stars. Sing me your dreams and I’ll take it all in. You are different and I cannot see past those ocean eyes. We could carry this somewhere; perhaps to an undiscovered galaxy or some far-off forest. Shed your skin and dance in the moonlight with me. Life is too short not to dance when we can. Love is too fleeting not to fall into. And the truth sometimes hurts.

Untitled

Summer's HIT!

Or more like, Hanna is homesick for Indonesia after 12 months in Australia.

MHMMM actually, I"ll be home for new year (CNY). can't wait any longer SERIOUSLY. It hurts when I log in to Facebook and see all the pics of my friends who are home already spending time with their families or the gorgeous delicious food whatsoever (damn Facebook!). But yeah. 49 more days. 1176 more hours. 70560 more minutes. It’s not that long. I hope.

By the way I’m done with my fourth semester of tertiary academy. Well not 100% done as results are out next week *heart beating faster* but yeah all I need to do now is to find a part time job and then ADIOS PERTH SEE YOU IN FALL.

From what I learned, here’s when I feel homesick the most. I don’t know, is it different for everyone? Probably..

• When you just move in.
• IN WINTER. Especially if you’re from a warm country like me.
• When it’s someone’s birthday. By someone I mean family, hmm like mom, dad, siblings or or maybe a close friend. Because all you can do is limited in only posting a YouTube video singing all along or send them an e-mail or text, and not an actual hug :(
• NOW, LIKE, WHEN YOU’RE THIS CLOSE TO ACTUALLY GOING HOME. BECAUSE YOU SUDDENLY REALIZE HOW HARD IT IS TO BE PATIENT.

But. Okay. Inhale. Exhale. 49 days. It’s gonna be alright. January, 28th will come eventually.

Question!

Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, not small, but valuable. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void.

I mean it

I've always known that you're gonna go far. We're gonna shine in two different directions. It's okay, even though it's not always the case for me. I'm sincerely happy for you :)

Reflection on my life

Outside the station, she stands with her child on the side of the street, taking pictures of cars.

You think she’s insane. Until, one day, you notice that she’s taking pictures of the license plates of the cars her child gets into.

Because you look. But you do not see.

And she walks out the shop with bags full of cat food. You think she’s some crazy cat lady until you find out, she has no cats.

Because you eat. But you do not taste.

It’s been a while since their last album but he assures you, he’s doing just fine these days, white flecks in his nostrils. Then he asks you if he can spend the night on your couch, even though it stinks.

Because you sniff. But you do not smell.

And they say “Just OK” when you ask them how school was. Then you wonder what they’re hiding until you find their diary and the last entry reads “I wish you’d give me some privacy.”

Because you listen. But you do not hear.

And they’ve got a bruise over their eye and you run the tips of your fingers over it and ask them how it happened. You believe them. Until it happens again.

Because you touch. But you do not feel.

And they walk past you everyday, one million stories, each waiting to be told. Waiting for you to ask.

Because you live. But very few, love.

You're not allowed to read this.

I remember studying

in my room, just reading,

and shutting the book,

looking up, and missing you, missing you,

and reading the notes again.

There’s no freedom in it or in fear: my heart’s not mine.

Haves and Have-Nots

I’m so terribly confused.

When I have love, I envy those without the heartbreak that comes with it. When I do not have love, I covet those who are lucky enough to find it.

Lol at me?

Happiness.

- finding your musical soul mates
- when he smiles at you
- spinning around in the rain
- unexpected texts
- finding something you thought you'd lost
- feeling pretty
- winning an argument
- getting letters in the mail
- noticing something you never had
- slipping on your new pair of shoes
- cheering someone up
- knowing that everything will be okay

You have a pen? Take a memo and Write this down:

Once, I was loved, supremely with every fiber of someone’s being. He was the risk I'd always take. He just never knew how to hold my heart.

Yet, he's my favorite thought.

if YDK what IDKWTM means then IDEK where to start‏

November 24, 2010

I wonder where you are right now and what you are doing. I wonder what you are thinking about or if you are even awake. I wonder what you are feeling when you hear that one song. Yes, the song has done. I wonder about you sometimes.

A letter from mom

I don't know mom could write something like this.

My Daughter,
As a child your smile would light up a room,
Turning my day to sunshine from any kind of gloom.
Your giggles and laughter was nice to hear,
I feel the same way to this day, when you are near.

From a girl to a woman, you grew up so fast,
My wonderful memories of you will forever last.
your sweetness and beauty was and is such a big part of you,
It comes forth in all the things that you do.

You've done so well for yourself over the years
Deserving the many good times, and working through some tears.
I'm proud of you and your life that you've made,
My love and support for you throughout,
will never ever fade.


Mom, you made me cry the whole night reading this letter. Like most kids, I didn't always appreciate all the things you did for me... I just assume that I'd be loved and pampered and that you would fix any crisis. I can't ever repay you at all. But sometimes, I wish I could go back to my childhood to relive some of those moments when you were teaching me about love, giving acceptance, lending me strength, and so forth.. And each time I would hug you tight and say thank you so much! I LOVE YOU!

I am Still Alive

Hey there amazing people!

Yes, I'm still alive. Much has been going on here. As of today, I have done 6 mid tests, 2 more waiting and so 4 finals to finish my awesome second year! Yipeeeee! You should be proud of me for not doing youtube procrastination in the last 3 months :)

You ask, How I did it? Okay, this great achievement is because Hanna got new commitment to get her stuff done before watching youtube and oh! She glued a BIG FAT WONDERFUL encouragement paper in front of her lappy saying "STOP BLUDGING! The clock is ticking! DON'T you dare miss a single second!" And with all due respect, I close youtube, facebook, messanger etc and start crying (read: studying). It's hard though for the first time to make it through, but in fact I know clearly now that I can live without internet, laptop, cellphone, and hi tech whatsoever. I think it's better if Apple and Blackberry were just fruits.

Where was I?

Oh yea so my point is resist the laziness and take a step. Now GO!!

So folks, these past few days, I genuinely feel I am running toward something new, not running away from something old. I am convinced that God has been in this process of change. I know it's hard to adapt with something new and to start something that has been done half way all over again. But hey! I was reminded again that if I want great things to happen, do not changing the face, facing the change instead! I am confident and fully trust there will be tremendous things ahead. It might involve lots of hard work, tears and risk and fear and uncertainty... but at the end of the day I believe God is in it and I will be able to find His purposes in my life.

Please God, give me Your courage and remind me always of Your grace.
I surrender all.


p.s. My parents coming this thursday so this blog will be kicked off again soon :)

A Song from a Heart

HANYA UNTUKMU

Dalam bisu
Tanpa tanya
Ku tak bisa ungkapkan
Isi hati yang tersimpan
Mengagumi dirimu

Dalam tatap
Jerit rindu
Tak mampuku lukiskan
Rasa ini dalam kata
Hingga lagu ini kunyanyikan

Chorus:
Untukmu hanya untukmu
Rasa ini cinta ini hati ini
Kuberikan

Untukmu hanya untukmu
Slalu di hati tak terganti
Tiada lelah kukan menanti


Music and lyrics : hanna

Sometimes by Step

Ask more questions, not the same questions more often
Recognize you can be whatever you desire to be
Know that performance does not equal identity
Realize that you are the equal of everybody
Realize that you are the better of nobody
Appreciate, you did the best you could
Face the future, live for the moment
Understand suffering is part of life
Accept, you will make mistakes
Breathe from your diaphragm
Smile when things get tough
Always be kind to yourself
Think before you answer
Visualize Your Success
Take time for yourself
Make time for others
Listen with interest
Suspend disbelief
Embrace change
Still Your Mind
Be curious
Exercise
Laugh
Love
Cry

First Draft

Beautiful eyes beautiful cries.
No more beautiful lies.

I'll let you be my life ..
So I can buy you a beautiful ice.

I've been working on a couple songs these past few days. Feeling inspired (ahm)! I was trying to create something that a lot of ladies can relate to. Well, It is not a topic that I'm going through at the moment, but I can say I've been there , done that, and moved on.

Hello la la ladies! Never lose yourselves to any man, or anyone!

Thoughtfully yours,

What now?

I am struggling to get stuff to write and staying motivated to type even a few sentences for my few readers to have something to read.

I am not giving up just yet. I am just in a horrible funk.

I'll try again tomorrow *finger crossed*

Good night world! God bless :)

Happy Father's Day, Dad!

Papi, I want to tell you so many things, that if I haven’t told you all this before, I’m saying it now…

Thank you for being such a great father.
Thank you for teaching me how to ride bicycle. You cried with me, every time I fell yet I’m still struggling to fight the fear of falling :P
Thank you for teaching me how to use chopsticks.
Thank you for switching off my light every night and for the good night kiss.
Thank you for bringing me light food every day, you know how I love them, much!
Thank you for taking me to the church. You said you want me to grow beautifully in Christ and that creates me what I am today.
Thank you for always reminding me to get my vitamin every morning and answer all the silly questions I asked about it.
Thank you for buying me a piano and always supporting me to practice hardly. I have no regret dad!
Thank you for calling and messaging me every morning and night to tell me you love and miss your little girl.
Thank you for not getting mad when I ruined the car’s bumper.
Thank you for being strict to me when I need it.
Thank you for buying me dresses even though you know how full my wardrobe is.
Thank you for saying sorry when you did wrong. You amazed me.
Thank you for coming to my concert while you supposed to get rest after working the whole day. The time you made for me is very highly appreciated.
Thank you for sending me money to buy red lipsticks, although mom thought I was too young. I was 8 years old dad.
Thank you for taking care of me when I got my teeth taken out. You were an angel and put up with my crying moments.
Thank you for not letting me give up 48 hours before the deadline of when my enrollment was due. Do you remember that weekend? When I broke down and said I was afraid I’d be rejected. You called them up the next day.
Thank you for not getting upset for the times I came to Perth. I know you wished for me to go back very often. I’m working on my degree and I will make you proud. Promise!
Thank you for all our daddy-daughter dates. I have a list of them.
Thank you for all the advice about life and repeating it over and over again. It sticks in my head.
Thank you for being my rock, when I needed you the most.
Thank you for supporting every decision I have made. Good or bad.
Thanks for your advice, support, help, smile, hug, care, kiss and love.
Thank you for staying up until 4am accompanying me study. Many times! And you brought me fruits and candies. Great times.
Thank you for believing in me to do things I have never done before and encouraging me every time I fail.
Thank you for texting me funny jokes daily. You always make my day.
Thank you for picking up my phone during working hours and taking all the time to have important conversations about all my ramblings and worries.
Thank you for always putting us first, even when work is so busy.
Thank you for loving mom so much. I know she loves you too.
Thank you for your hard work and providing for our family.
Thank you for teaching me to laugh at life and have fun.
Thank you for being so proud of me and telling everyone. I know I’ll always be your super girl.
Thank you for everything.

You are one of the very greatest gifts God gave to me. I love you so much, dad.



Missing you,
h.